February Thoughts 2019

Beautiful flowers in a bucket.

February a month filled with Flowers as the commercial celebration of love happens on Valentines Day. A month on reflecting on relationships that are around me and re-evaluating what I want out of each and every relationship. Even though I do love flowers and wouldn’t mind receiving them but they are not essentials in my life. It is time to bloom and be the flower that GOD has meant for me to be.

Not all that looks good on the outside is Good and ideal for you.

I no longer settle for mediocre nor want to please others because they are so called ” family”. I no longer seek validation from others nor conform to societies ” so -called” standards. I’ve set my boundaries – High and impenetrable.

What a Real Man is.

As I move into a new stage of my life I’m seeking much clarity and insight into the way that GOD works around me. I’m actively seeking him and learning more about him daily. I want to know if I am truly following what he has planned for me or and constantly improve my relationship with him. In line with my focus on Discovery I am doing deep reflection in certain areas of my life.

Friendships and Relationships

There have been too many lies and massive cover ups by the witch clans/ flying monkeys just to back up the main abuser. I have had enough of all the mindless drama growing up in a toxic extended family and having had an abusive marriage that I know for a fact that I will never led myself and the kids be tortured by these monsters anymore.

These idiots can’t deal with their own low self esteem and seeing anyone being happy and living life better than them. They think that by ruining the lives of others who are kind and emphatic towards them would make their lives better. They are seriously delusional and seriously should be locked up for life!!

Having had first hand experience with monsters who can’t wait to demean, belittle and deliberately bring trouble into your life I now know how to deal with them efficiently to prevent re-victimising and keep the kids and myself protected. I do not want the kids to grow up experience Childhood trauma due to the actions of these selfish demons.

These few years I have learnt that the best way to heal from the domestic abuse that I had suffered is through creating a closer walk with GOD. By centering my focus on him have helped me to see through all the BS that was clouding my vision and distancing me from him. He has shown me many signs how great is his GRACE and that it is sufficient to sustain me through my journey here on earth. Seeking him daily in prayer and thought have helped me.

Through my closer walk with him I’ve realised what will work and what won’t work for me and the kids. I’ve gave up relationships and friendships that have only been weighing me down. or leading me to SIN and away from GOD.

This year I made the conscious choice to eliminate certain friendships that had gone sour as the person had constantly been infringing on my boundaries or deliberately demeaned / belittled me and/ or the kids with their behavior. The eliminated individual tried to take advantage of me continuously by acting the victim and being very unkind in their words. Their lack of empathy is appealing and I’m able to see these soulless demons for what they. Their masks have slipped over and their ugly behavior totally disgust me to an extend that I have blocked them off from my life permanently – No regrets!!

True friends/family are those who accept you the way you are and encourage you to be the best version of you. They do not compare nor judge nor constantly try to put you down with snide remarks or invalidate your feelings and opinions. I know that relationships have to be reciprocal for it to survive with the changing times. The sad thing is not all people see it that way. Those do not deserve to be part of my circle. It is okay to have differentiated views and opinions however it is NOT OKAY to force your believes onto others and demand that they show respect for you. This is certainly a red flag in my books and cannot be tolerated.

Focusing on past wrongs or perceived wrongs have made these people disgruntle and constantly bitter. They have morphed themselves into the Devil’s minions and constantly spew their toxic hate towards others. They don’t see that it is precisely because of their behavior and turning away from the truth living lives of Sin and fantasy that resulted in the chronic unhappiness that they face.

The peace of the Holy Spirit alludes them and gifts that were previously assigned to them by GOD had been taken away as they show lack of appreciation for his Grace. They are too wrapped up in their world and refuse to self- reflect no repent for the sins that they have committed. They believe that they are faultless and it is ALWAYS the other person who is nasty one that cause them to be in the predicament that they are currently in. Their lack of faith and overindulgence in worldly pleasures will bring about their downfall.

I’m done with giving excuses for them and allowing 2nd chances where there is no indication that they will change for the better. The trauma that they inflict keeps on continuously been replayed like a broken record. These devils delight in revisiting past hurt that they have caused and gloat seeing you hurt and if allowed will suck the life out of you. I have enough of the excessive manipulation, gaslighting, guilt tripping blame projection and other devious activties that they indulge in. The worse ones abuse GOD’s words by misquoting the bible and manipulating scripture to suit their morbid agenda.

There is no justification for their behavior towards me and/or the kids and I know for a fact it is pointless seeking closure and an explanation for the bad behavior because it will never happen. Let them answer directly to GOD when they depart from this earth.

I’ll will continuing praying for their deliverance from evil from afar as I know that only if they truly repent will they be able to be saved. It’s their choice. It’s my choice to ensure that I and the kids remain on the right path and not be influenced by the toxicity that these people bring.

Since 2019 started I have felt myself being flooded with Peace from the Holy Spirit. he way I have been keeping my sanity is to constantly self -reflect on my ways/ actions and see if they are aligned to GOD’s plan for me. I’m constantly seeking his advice and confirmation before making major decisions. I’m certainly thriving and I can see that the kids are benefiting tremendously through my own self-care practices.

You can say at 40 I’m truly enjoying life and I’m starting to see the fruits of my labour. I’ve achieved the goals that I have set myself these past few years and continue to set different targets that I am working towards. I’ve prune away what was toxic and not bearing fruit and work in maintaining relationships with the people who truly matter to me.